It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
