why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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