DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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