I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
