I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
