You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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