it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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