Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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