cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize