Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
