i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Your dad touched me again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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