I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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