I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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