you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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