So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
