Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
