I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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