So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
