I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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