I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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