I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
