I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so explain again why im purple
no
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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