im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
