every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
True college students do jello shots in the library
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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