mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
