the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
