I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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