The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
