don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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