you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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