I will die if light touches me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
