are you still at the devil's house?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
