I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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