I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No subtext here. People are naked.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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