STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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