Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
