woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
