i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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