who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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