you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
