Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
