Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
