Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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