Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
