You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
