god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
