I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
