I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
