Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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