sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
