Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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