Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
