I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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