How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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