someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
