I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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