How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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