We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
