You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
