well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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