Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
