When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
