Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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