she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
