If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
