I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
