I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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