Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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