I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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