He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
