Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
