I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
