I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
