Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
