I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
