Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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