so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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