I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
