Im at strip club and am horny
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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