I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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