he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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