We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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