I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
where are you?
Hypothermia
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
