how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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