Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
