she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
