Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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