My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
