think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
