After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
