and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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