You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
