Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
As shirtless as possible
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
