I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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