So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
