I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
