Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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