dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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