"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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