I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
