then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
